Welcome to the Table—Now Prove You Belong (Again)

(First published on LinkedIn on September 1, 2025)

It’s a familiar scene: boardroom lights glare off polished wood, coffee steams in a dozen mismatched mugs, and there’s a palpable sense that someone’s missing the punch line. A woman sits at the table—finally, after years climbing a rigged ladder—only to be asked, “Can you take notes?” or, “Could you grab us more coffee?” The room shifts, but the script is painfully familiar. Is this loyalty or old-fashioned servitude masquerading as progress?

This is what loyalty looks like at the table—for women finally “allowed” to sit there, but rarely welcomed as equals.

The Numbers: Who Actually Makes It to the Table?

Let’s start with cold, hard facts. In 2025, women make up just 29% of America’s C-suite positions, a jump from 17% a decade ago, but still a far cry from parity. Only 7% of these positions are held by women of color. White men, meanwhile, hold a dominant 56%. In the S&P 100, men are still 2.5 times more likely than women to land those coveted executive seats, and 10 times more likely to be CEO. Six companies out of the top 100 have reached gender parity on senior teams—just six.

Even in industries that talk a good game, the numbers tell a stubborn story. Across sectors, there’s a significant drop from women’s representation in the broader workforce to leadership itself. For example, in manufacturing, women make up 34.5% of workers, but only 23.3% of leaders.

So, when a woman actually gets to “the table,” it’s not by chance or good fortune, but by moving mountains the rules say shouldn’t even exist.

What It Takes: The Gauntlet Women Run

Getting to the top isn’t about being the best. It’s about surviving a gauntlet designed to thin the female herd. Ask any woman in upper management what it took:

Over-Performing: Women have to deliver more and fail less, just to be noticed.
Fitting a Narrow Mold: They must project just enough leadership without tipping into the “too ambitious” stereotype that threatens the male ego.
Strategic Networks (or Lack Thereof): While men build informal support systems (“old boy networks”), women are rarely let in and often told to solve their problems alone.
Political Tightropes: Women must learn to play office politics but risk being branded as conniving if they do it openly.

And for all that, they’re still likely to get handed a pen rather than a promotion, asked to organize the offsite event while male colleagues strategize the next acquisition.

Scarcity Culture: Why the Table Isn’t Big Enough for Female Allies

Here’s the ugly truth: while we love to chant “empower each other,” the system ensures women’s toughest competition is sometimes each other. There are precious few seats for women at the top. When you finally land in that chair, the unspoken message is clear: “Guard your spot, because another woman’s success might cost you yours.”

Allyship Fatigue: The myth that there’s only room for one woman discourages genuine alliances and mentorship, feeding unhealthy rivalries.
A Rising Tide? Not Always: While some research shows female executives are more likely to sponsor and promote other women, scarcity keeps many in “survival mode,” hesitant to risk their own fragile status.
The Queen Bee Trap: Cultural narratives pit women against each other, reinforcing stereotypes that women leaders are “hard to work for” or “unsupportive”—even if the real enemy is a structure built to divide.

That’s how the game stays rigged: a handful of survivors fighting over scraps, instead of rewriting the rules.

Who Do the Men Stand By?

Let’s talk about loyalty. When women do make it to the table, who are their male colleagues loyal to? It’s not the mythic principles of meritocracy, and it’s rarely solidarity with their female team members.

Peer Loyalty: Male executives tend to close ranks, consciously or unconsciously, when threatened by a new (female) presence.
Protecting Egos: Women are painted as threats, not just to the hierarchy, but to masculine identity itself. This manifests in everyday slights and power plays—the proverbial “Would you mind taking notes?”.
Loyalty to the Status Quo: When women push for inclusion or advocate too passionately, they’re quickly “put back in their place.” The only way to truly belong is to be the exception, not the rule.

Education: Where the Deck Is Stacked from the Start

Long before women fight for C-suite spots, they’re groomed—by schools, counselors, and curriculum—to “support” rather than “lead.”

Tracked for Service: From an early age, girls are steered toward roles requiring empathy and support: teaching, HR, communications. Boys are encouraged to lead, invent, and dominate.
Confidence Gaps: Social and academic expectations reinforce the myth that girls are “better suited” for subordinate roles. The ripple effects extend all the way to business school and the boardroom.
Pipeline Problems: Even when women pursue ambitious paths, the message is to aim for “Chief-Of-Support” instead of “Chief-Anything”.

When a woman is finally handed her C-suite badge, she is still expected to play the supporting act—in meetings, in decision-making, and even in how she leads.

So… What Happens “At the Table”?

Picture those milestone board meetings again. The same old question: “Can you take notes?” This is not a joke, and it’s not rare. It’s a ritual reenactment of loyalty—performative, hollow, and designed to reinforce who serves and who leads.

Expectation of Service: Women, no matter how senior, are often looked to for “office housework”—note-taking, organizing, smoothing egos. Perform these duties and your loyalty is never questioned. Refuse and be labeled “difficult.”
Invisible Labor: This not only devalues strategic contributions but doubles the burden on women, who must both excel and serve to be seen as equals.
Double Binds: Speak up and you’re “too aggressive.” Stay silent and you’re “not leadership material.”

I’ve been there. Sitting in a meeting, ready to dive into strategy, while my male peers casually made weekend plans right in front of me — plans I was never invited to join. Before the conversation even ended, one of them would turn and ask, “Can you grab us another coffee?” It wasn’t just exclusion from their social circle; it was a reminder that, in their eyes, I wasn’t truly part of the team. My role, no matter my title, was still seen as one of service.

All of the challenges women face in the boardroom don’t disappear on the shop floor—they just wear different coveralls. For many women working manufacturing jobs, the “seat at the table” might mean squeezing into a break room where they’re not only expected to laugh off sexist jokes but also clean up after everyone when lunch is over. That is not inclusion—it’s erasure and extra unpaid labor. Women in these roles contend with constant reminders that they are outsiders: enduring daily harassment, being talked over or ignored, or working twice as hard for half the recognition and usually less pay. Even basic needs—like having a restroom designed for them or safety equipment that fits—are not guaranteed. For female factory workers, this is what that “seat” really looks like—miles away from decision-makers, with zero illusion of real inclusion.

What Does Real Loyalty at the Table Look Like?

Loyalty is not about coffee runs or “being a team player” at personal expense. Real loyalty is about creating space for each other to thrive, not just survive.

Allyship over Competition: Genuine allyship—across gender lines—means making space, not policing who gets to keep the one seat saved for “diversity”.
Redefining Merit: Companies succeed when they value the contributions women actually bring: resilience, innovation, and the ability to call BS when groupthink reigns.
Growing the Table: The future won’t be won by just adding a few extra chairs on the sidelines. It will be won when we expand the table itself — and reshuffle the seating plan for good.

Strategies for Combating Disloyalty at the Table

When loyalty at the table feels conditional or performative instead of genuine, it’s crucial to have a game plan. Here are some direct, actionable strategies for women to push back against subtle sabotage and claim their power where it counts:

1. Name and Counter Stereotypes—Out Loud

Reject Office Housework: When asked to take notes or fetch coffee, respond confidently: “I’d like to focus on contributing to this discussion. Let’s rotate note-taking so everyone contributes.”
Flip the Script: If someone tries to delegate support roles, suggest the task rotate or be assigned regardless of gender.

2. Build Strategic Alliances—Across Gender Lines

Find True Allies: Look for colleagues (male or female) who demonstrate consistent support for inclusive, merit-based contributions. Make your mutual support visible.
Amplify Each Other: If another woman is interrupted or her idea is overlooked, step in to redirect or restate her point: “As [colleague] was saying…”

Conclusion: Loyalty Deserves a Redefinition

Women aren’t at the table to take notes—they’re there to rewrite them. But as long as loyalty is defined by obedience and subservience, not by trust and bold collaboration, we’ll continue to see talent wasted and teams fractured.

If we want loyalty to mean something at the table, we have to demand more than presence. We need power, partnership, and a seat that’s not just for show. Because getting there is hard enough; staying there should not require erasing ourselves to fit.

Have you been in this moment? ☕✏ That meeting where you were ready to strategize but got handed the coffee pot or a pen? 💬 Share your story — what’s the most telling thing that’s happened to you “at the table”? Your voice might help another woman see she’s not alone.

Statistics and insights drawn from leading studies on women in leadership, corporate power structures, and gender roles in education.

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